Lord, Give Me Strength

Dear Lord,

Please give me Your strength to make it through today!

Amen!!!

This is my prayer every morning!  It's been especially that the last few weeks with much more emphasis. 

Tony and I have been very fortunate that we have not had issues with both Caleb and Cassidy at the same time.  Normally, when things are really bad with one child, the other child is in a good place.  Right now neither child is in a good place.  Caleb is having many more outbursts and Cassidy is as oppositional and defiant as ever!  She's even having many problems at school.

There are some days, like this morning, where I wonder, "Why?"  "When will this end?"  "What have I done wrong?"

This morning I was hit and kicked all because I was trying to get Caleb's shoes and braces on him.  I finally got them on and got Caleb outside to wait for the bus.  He told me he was going to run away and twice he walked into the street (without looking) before I could reach him and bring him back to the garage.  I was very close to calling the school and telling them to send the resource officer to pick him up because I really didn't know if he was going to be safe enough to put on the bus.  (Last year we had a lot of problems and the bus driver threatened not to take him and told me I would have to drive him to school.  We discussed at the transition meeting to his new school that if I took Caleb to school because of his behavior, he would always want me to take him to school and that was not an option.  It was decided among us that if Caleb was not safe to ride the bus to school - which I would never want to put any of the other kids at risk because of Caleb's behavior - that we would have the option of having the resource officer come to the house and transport him to school.)  However, as quickly as it all started, it ended.

I took Cassidy to her therapist appointment this afternoon.  This was only our third appointment and I think this is the quickest honeymoon period ever - because she sure showed her little attitude to the therapist today!  After their alone time, the therapist came out and told me, "This is going to be difficult."  Thanks, that's just what I needed to hear!!!!  I know it's not going to be an overnight fix, but after reading a few days ago that Caleb's case is "fascinating" to a world-renowned Geneticist, it's not really what I wanted to hear.

I made a desperate call to Caleb's neurologist this morning.  He had an EEG scheduled for May 3rd at St. Francis, where they only do one pediatric sedation a day.  I knew we could not wait until then with as bad as things have been.  I really didn't want to go to Wesley, but I knew we'd be able to get in sooner, so I made the call.  We now go April 14th for Caleb's EEG.  I really pray that we find that his seizures are not under control and we can tweak his meds and things can get back to our normal, without the need to walk on egg shells waiting for the next rage to happen!  We all need some relief!!!!