It's the Little Things that Get Me

When Caleb was three years old and originally received the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, Tony and I had a lot of processing of information to do.  We spent a lot of time thinking and talking about Caleb's future and what that might hold.  Everyone talks about a grief process that parents go through when they receive a diagnosis regarding their child, especially when it is something that is going to affect them for the rest of their lives.  We were hopeful, though, that with the early intervention services and the medication at such an early age, Caleb would be able to fully function as as an adult, even possibly going to college and holding a job.

Then after Caleb turned five and more and more Autism spectrum symptoms started emerging and then beginning to watch him struggle with previously mastered skills, we began searching for more answers.  We found those answers by having an extensive neuropsychological evaluation performed, which was detailed in  this post and he was given the diagnosis of  Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, the grieving process started all over again.  Our thoughts of Caleb attending college and even living on his own someday were shot down.

Now, I pray constantly that God - the only One who can heal our dear Caleb - that He would heal him or that at a minimum, He would reveal to all of our doctors what to do to help him.  But until that happens, we continue to try and help Caleb as best we can.

I watched Caleb try and put a puzzle together the other day.  It was a 24-piece puzzle, that stated the age was 3+.  Watching my 9-year-old struggle putting that puzzle together absolutely broke my heart.  Caleb wants so badly to have toys that are age appropriate, like Transformers, but he just can't manage to make them work without breaking them.  Caleb had received a gift card from his birthmom for his birthday and bought a Transformer with it, but I didn't realize when we bought it that it was a non-transforming Transformer.  A HUGE bad mom moment on my part!  I should have looked closer at the package.

Caleb has consistently been asking for a "Bumblebee" Transformer, one that transforms into a car.  We have had struggles with Caleb going to our respite organization lately for some reason.  We're not exactly sure why he's been so aggressive there.  We told him if he went to ROCKO and had a good day, we'd get him a prize of the "Bumblebee" Transformer.

We went ahead and bought the transformer, hoping that we'd be able to give Caleb the prize!  He had a good day and earned his prize.  Not even two hours after Caleb started playing with it, he had already broken it.  UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!  It just shows me how far behind developmentally Caleb is and it breaks my heart.